Unforseen Adventures at Osaka Kansai

After an interesting day in Kobe, around 3:00 PM I decided to head for the airport. They have a bus that goes direct, it was easy to get tickets and get on. Once in the bus and traveling on the highway to Osaka KIX, I could see Osaka Bay out one side and urban areas nestled up against the surrounding mountains on the other. I had a strange feeling of deja vu. Where had I seen this before? There were factories, houses, and boats; I had never been here before, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew this place. What the hell? 

Then it hit me: Katamari Damacy. Unfamiliar? It is a popular game that has a very simple premise. Here’s what Wikipedia says about it:

In Katamari Damacy, The Prince is tasked with the job of rebuilding the stars and constellations that the King destroyed. To do this, the player combines as many objects into a singular ball, known as a katamari ball, that could become a star, constellations, or stardust. A katamari ball can roll up certain objects, depending on the Katamari’s relative size to them.

Its easier to play than to explain. But they must have mapped portions of the game for the scene outside the bus window. The whole area encircles part of Osaka Bay and by American standards, Osaka, Kyoto, and Kobe are just one big megopolis. The reason I felt like I’d been there before is that, at least virtually, I had been there. I had rolled a giant ball (the Katamari) around the space, and as far as my brain was concerned, it was a real experience. Very strange indeed.

But now it gets interesting. I dropped my pocket WiFi off at Ninja WiFi and spoke to one of the people who helps out bewildered passengers, and it turns out that you can’t check your bags until 3 hours before the flight. That gave me 18 hours to kill, and I didn’t want to spend them propped against a pillar on the floor. But fear not; this is Japan. The lady at the information counter pointed me across the way to the KIX Cafe Lounge.

I thought my adventure in Japan was over, but I was wrong. The Cafe Lounge is a place of wonders. For a nominal fee, you get a booth in a darked area with a recliner and a TV.

There’s free WiFi and showers if you want them. They provide blankets and personal hygiene supplies on request. They even have small rooms with wall-to-wall mats that can accommodate couples or whole families. There is an astroturf area where you can practice your putting, sleep in a hammock, or enter a small tent and pretend you are in Yosemite. 

Wait, it gets better. They have a limited menu, with ramen, fried or curried rice, and Italian pasta. Not haute cuisine, perhaps, but I’m enjoying my curry. They supply unlimited soft drinks and coffee.

They even serve beer, wine, and some kind of highball. You can have it in the common room, or they will bring it to your cubicle. Not happy with the choices on offer? Not to worry, there is a 7/11 Konbini right across the way, and get this; they don’t care if you bring food and drink into their establishment. And how much is a beer at the huge Osaka International Airport? Same price as in the city; they don’t jack up the prices as they do in The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, where we get crap food at exorbitant prices. There is an investigative article waiting to be written about how companies get licenses to open up in airports and reststops and why they are allowed to price-gouge. I’m betting on systemic corruption.

You know, I sound like I’m a little negative about the land of my birth tonight, not sure why. Maybe something happened while I was gone?

Why don’t we have this in the US, I hear you ask? Well, for one thing, we’d eventually get around to killing each other after we finished getting drunk and belligerent. I’m not sure whether that would be before or after we stole each other’s luggage or at least riffled it for medications. Some things just don’t translate across cultures, and this is one of them. 

In any case, I’m in for the night. The idea that I would sleep in a recliner in an open cubicle and nobody would rob me or slit my throat is something I didn’t anticipate; I have some Amazon Prime movies to watch and some books on tape, and I’ll pick up some snacks in case I get hungry. I want to express my gratitude to my wife, who got me a good pair of noise-canceling headphones after our experience of listening to a toddler scream for at least 7 hours on our way to the Netherlands. There may be another sleep apnea guy in the next cubicle. I’ve had worse times.