Adventures in Kyoto with Our Man in Japan

I’m off to Kyoto today. I’m having a problem with my phone and tablet, as neither of them will download apps; I go to the Play Store and hit the download button, and it just says “pending” forever. This makes it impossible to do things like make reservations from Osaka to Kyoto on the JR train. I’ll have to just show up and buy my ticket at the counter. Jon and Joss, I probably should explain. There was a time when I was younger when if you wanted to take a train or plane, you walked up to the counter and asked the person for a ticket like this: “Hello, Sir or Madame, I would like to purchase a ticket to Kyoto.” Then they would say, “Yes, sir, it would be my pleasure to sell you one.” They would tell you the price, and you would take actual money out of your wallet or purse and hand it to them. They would take your money and put it in something called a cash register. Then they would hand you a ticket (stay with me here) made of paper, and you had to put it in your pocket and not lose it until you gave it to the person at the counter! Yes, I know! That’s insane! Where were the smart phones and QR codes? How did anything get done? 

Wait, it gets worse. If there was a change of plans, you had to call the office on a phone, usually with a wire connecting it to the wall. I’m not making this up, I swear. I had an early smartphone that I whittled out of a piece of balsa wood, but it just didn’t do anything even if I made a ringing sound. I even had my own ringtone; I would sing “Born to be Wild,” but nobody ever picked up, and eventually I used it for kindling. If I had been given an iPad when I was 8, they would have had to pry it out of my cold, dead hand. It would have been like when Jon saw his first Nintendo 64. You’ve heard the expression, “His mind was blown.” I had to throw Jon over my shoulder and carry him screaming from Toys R Us, and he back-heeled me in the tenders on the way out. Good times. Now all you kids get off my lawn!

In any case, I managed to catch my train. It took 15 minutes to get from Osaka to Kyoto, and Google tells me its about 57 miles. It took me longer to get to my new hotel, The IMU Kyoto. I’m just taking a break before heading back out.